Routine

Routine is so incredibly difficult for me. The majority of my life I have dreaded having a routine. It feels so constrictive, unfreeing, and too much in a box when my soul likes to color outside of the lines.

The thoughts of having to do the same things day after day just has this boring connotation to it. Why would I want to do the same thing day in and day out? This repetitive motion makes me think of a conveyor belt ~ producing exactly the same things over and over.

How is that fun? How is that spontaneous? How does that fit into my desired box of wild and free?

I still have all of these questions and they plague me every day.

I find myself fully resisting routines with a powerful repulsive energy.

Finding myself desperately trying to figure out how to live in this world and provide for myself in a way that allows me to be free.

However it isn’t exactly working for me. And the other day I had a new question come to mind.

What would it look and feel like if the routines I had where all things I thoroughly loved and enjoyed? Mind flip. And heres another one ~ What if I already am doing all the things I love ( or a good amount of the things I love, but havent fully realized it and allowed myself to enjoy them? )

Mind shattered.

I currently fall somewhere inbetween. I’m doing a lot of the things I love yet haven’t been able to fully enjoy them yet for whatever reason. I love the things that I am doing, but other areas of my life are currently off balance or unknown which breeds anxiety in my mind.

I also have the tendency to do ALL the things I love, and ALL at the same time. I have a long list of things I love and it spreads my energy everywhere, and thin.

Once upon a time I had a decent routine filled with things I loved. That routine also shifted from time to time as my own desires shifted along with those around me.

Household Routines, Work Routines, Eating Routines, Friendship Routines.

These are the important ones as far as I can currently tell. Build routine here. And in the space of these routines, there’s freedom to play.

It’s from routine that we gain freedom.